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Pontiac Aztek
Okay, so, what we have here is a guest opinion, maybe one of many, by me,
Owen. My subject today is the Pontiac Aztek. This is a, ummm, vehicle
which has garnered a certain amount of controversy regarding its design,
particularly its styling. I cannot claim to be a fan of the styling, but I
have to admit that it took a lot of guts for GM to have actually put
something like this into mass production. Which is to say, something this
ugly.
The real question to me is, "What is the Aztek?"
To label this thing a 'crossover vehicle' would be, I think, a disservice to
the field of crossover vehicle marketing. Such interesting and innovative
concepts as the PT Cruiser have shown that thinking outside of traditional
sedan and sport utility design can create an interesting, useful,
attractive, and popular vehicle. While the Aztek shares several features
with the Cruiser, including large cargo space, front wheel drive, and, ummm,
unique styling, the Aztek is quite a different beast altogether.
Based on a minivan platform, the Aztek is big and boxy, clad in a uniquely
unappealing body covered in cheap looking plastic body cladding, with lines
that look like someone randomly stuck together features from a dozen
different designs based on the opinions of two dozen focus groups. Of
course, who am I to say that this wasn't what actually happened. I would be
much more likely to believe that this vehicle was the brainchild of a bunch
of focus groups than of one visionary designer, it just seems to make sense
that way.
Now, having said all those bad things about the Aztek, here's something
good. It is essentially a minivan in (ugly) sport ute's clothing, which
means that it has some of the benefits of a minivan. There's plenty of
space, high ride height, the promise of all wheel drive later on in
production, and the really neat tent option that reminds me of an old VW
bus/camper. Also, it allows a person to drive a minivan without all that
minivan stigma, although it may cause Aztek stigma.
Let me just relate a story about my first experience with the Aztek. I was
driving my favorite wench to the eye doctor's, when I pulled up at a light
next to an Aztek. I pointed it out to her, and we both just about killed
ourselves laughing at the person who would be seen driving something so
ridiculous. As this was happening, the driver (a middle-aged balding man
with a ponytail) looked over, and initially thought that we were smiling our
approval of his choice of "groovy" crossover vehicle, which just made us
laugh harder. When he realized that he was being made fun of, he turned
bright red and just stared straight forward into the intersection and edged
forward so we couldn't see him. When the light changed, he tried to regain
some of his ego by accelerating as hard as that thing would go. It just got
worse for him when I effortlessly passed his "mean machine" with my
subcompact import.
In all, ugly vehicle, but not as pointless as a truck based luxury sport
utility, for example. I'll give the thing two pints, but it will be two
pints of american beer, which is much more fitting. What saves this vehicle
from a no pints rating is that at least it is interesting to look at in a
train wreck sort of way, which is more than you can say of most of GM's
uniquely bland lineup.
Score: 
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