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The Fast and the Furious

This is the first feature shown. It starts with a semi-jacking by three slammed black Honda Civics, then switches to something more wholesome. The protagonist, driving a bright green car with a preposterous spoiler and stickers that make him go fast, fails to reach the speed he was hoping for and is consoling himself with lunch at a dodgy café when four more cars, of varying colors, with preposterous spoilers and stickers that make them go fast, pull up, and the drivers of said cars pick a fight with the protagonist. Hereinafter, all of the vehicles seen in this movie, excepting the police cars, semis, and 3 black Civics, but including the red Ford F150 delivery truck, have preposterous spoilers and stickers that make them go fast. Every vehicle in this movie has at least one container of Nitrous Oxide attached to the intake manifold.

Our protagonist works in a high performance auto parts store and wants to break into the world of street racing. In order to do this he must first worm his way into the good graces of one of the leading members of the street racing community. I think this in itself would make a fine premise for a movie about cars with stickers to make them go fast. There’s a really good street race scene near the beginning of the movie with interesting camera shots taking you through the engine of the car as it’s firing up. I hoped the whole movie would be like this.

However, for a movie allegedly about street racing, there is only the one street race in the movie. Our protagonist turns out to be an undercover cop trying to bust up the Honda Civic gang. There are a bunch of Asian immigrant ne’er-do-wells on crotch rockets and involvement by the FBI. What-ever!

If this movie had stuck to the street racing and not brought in undercover cops, semi-jacking, motorcycle gangs, and the FBI, it would have been a much better bad movie. As it was, it was kind of silly, with an unsatisfying ending. It had no actual tits or explosions*, though it had hints of both, and it contained just about every racial stereotype known to North America. Oh, but one of the street racers was a girl, so at least I don’t feel under-represented.

Score: One and a Half Pints

*”Was it a good movie? No. Did it have tits and explosions? Yes!” - Malcolm MacRae

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